I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
