Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
