i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
