How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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