shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
