Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
