happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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