1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
