I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
