I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize