worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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