Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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