whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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