I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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