it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
