was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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