i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
