I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
