When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
