It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
