What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
