well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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