the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize