I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Porn is love you can see.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
