Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
