How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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