A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
