I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
