There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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