why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
