just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
