Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
