this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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