its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
