How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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