Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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