The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She announced her abortion via fbk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
