Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
