No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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