I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
