I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
