last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize