We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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