i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
