honey bunches of taint.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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