You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize