K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
