Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
