He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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