is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
