He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
