Porn is love you can see.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
