the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
