She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
