Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
