dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
