All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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