Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
