Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
