why didn't you poke me back
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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