wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
