Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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