i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
