I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize