Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
