we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
